Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Bye, Bye, Mr. Malicious! Review and Author Interview

Bye, Bye, Mr. Malicious! How to Get Your Happy Back and be Done with Narcissists and Sociopaths, written and illustrated by Kanta Bosniak  Book Description: Whether it ended yesterday, or twenty years ago, and you’re still feeling the sting, this book will help you get your happy back after a relationship with a narcissist. With a more comprehensive red flags list than you’ll see anywhere else, it will help you recognize malicious men, so you can avoid them. A non-clinical mind/body/spirit approach, with colorful images and humor.    

My review: This book is brilliant, empathetic and relatable!  Once you read it you are "woke" and can identify, heal and say Bye Bye to your own Mr. Malicious. I seriously could not believe or be prepared for the emotional ride this book took me on! Never before have I so, felt like I was reading my own story until starting this book.  And I am 100% sure that everyone has had their own Malicious Mr or Ms in their own lives. These people slink into our lives most times like a wolf in sheep's clothing.  Weaving a web that we erroneously believe in and submit to.  Of course by the time we realize we are caught! We struggle to detach ourselves and if we do escape we bear battle scars on our hearts and sometimes our skin. However painful the situation was and the crosses it leaves us to carry we still have to and need to heal.  Kanta helps facilitate this process and reminds us of ever so important truths! We are brave, we are strong, we can heal and we deserve to heal.  

 My Interview with Kanta:   
 Maggie: I’ve reviewed several of your previous books and you know I adore your writing. I was excited to see this one come out, because I thought the subject matter was fantastic. By the time I was halfway through I was just wowed, because the way you presented the stories of the women you interviewed really shed light on the pattern these guys follow. I think it’s important for women to know they’re not alone, understand that it’s not their fault they were fooled by these expert manipulators, and to have a gentle path for healing and empowerment. You’ve done an awesome job, Kanta. I recognized some familiar threads that weave through Bye, Bye, Mr. Malicious! that I’ve enjoyed in your other books. Two that immediately stand out are compassion and humor.      
 Kanta: What could be more important for women who want to get their happy back, right? Misters Malicious take themselves so seriously. There’s a kind of instant surge of returning power that happens when you begin to see the falseness of the mystique they try so hard to build and maintain. It’s funny and it’s sad at the same time, because these are men who want love, but can neither give it nor receive it. It’s exhausting for the woman in such a relationship, because it triggers the desire to fix or heal, and that never happens. Once she gets that, she can detach and move forward.     
Maggie: I like the process you set up. And I like that you give the reader lots of opportunities to rest, ground, and shift gears as she moves through the step-by-step process, and that each step follows in a kind of organic, intuitive, and yet logical flow.  
  Kanta: Thanks, Maggie. Eleven years ago, I began to write about this process of navigating change effectively. It wasn’t so much that I invented it as that I observed and articulated a natural process that happens if you face a challenge with self-love and trust that you’ll get through it. It was what I was already doing, because it worked for me. And it was even what I had been suggesting as a spiritual coach. I just hadn’t, until that time, really mapped it out as a whole soup-to-nuts process. I wrote about it, naming it The Becoming Process and published a short, simple pocket guide. And as far as the “opportunities to shift gears and rest” you mentioned. Yes, that’s the key to any successful change, because you can’t just do the hard stuff all the time. That’s too exhausting.   Fun is not a luxury; it’s a necessity! Sure, to make change you’ve got to face it and move through it, but it works much better when you keep taking the time to shift your state by doing the things that bring you joy. Really, this is some of the most important work we can do in human life: learn to master our instrument, the mind/body by refocusing our thoughts, regrooving our habitual feeling-state, and finding the tools to reliably do this. I call these positive anchors, or state-shifting tools “abundance triggers.” And because it’s so important for people to get proficient in self-awareness, self-soothing, and to build a toolbox for habituating happiness, I wrote a kind of little kids’ edition of my book Abundance Triggers, which teaches children these same skills called Welcome to the World! Bye, Bye Mr. Malicious! brings these techniques together and applies them to help women get their happiness and power back after dealing with a malignant narcissist type maneven if this relationship (or relationships) happened in the distant past. It’s not only about getting out of the bad relationship, but also about getting the bad relationship out of you. The goal of a Mr. Malicious type person is to destroy your confidence, your peace, and your sense of stability. In other words, to trigger your own worst fears about yourself and life. In so doing, he invokes and activates your own Inner Bully, the part that tells you you’re not worthy of love. So getting your happy back involves ending relationships like this, of course. But it also includes building self-love, trust in yourself, and the confidence to set and enforce boundaries, as well as giving yourself permission to do the things you love to do.  It can be tough to do this work, but the rewards are well worth it, and it can be made much more enjoyable to move through the process when you take frequent breaks for fun and relaxation. For women who are still involved with a controlling man and who want to get out of the relationship, or women who experienced early life abuse, I suggest using the book as a complementary resource while they work with a woman counselor, especially one who is trained to support women in healing these issues.   
 Maggie: It’s certainly a timely book, with the upsurge of public awareness of what women have faced in terms of harassment and control, the #metoo and #timesup movements, and the women’s marches. 
  Kanta: Yes, for sure! And I think it’s time to connect the dots between misogynistic men who abuse power in the workplace, in societal structures, in organizations, and in the home. The funny thing is, I began research on this topic eight years ago. I had no idea where we’d be as a culture when the book came out. I only knew it was time to find balance and wholeness for both men and women. Time for women to claim their backbone and men to claim their empathy. This is what it’s going to take to build healthier and more harmonious partnerships between men and women, to build more nurturing families, and to raise boys and girls to cooperate and support each others’ full potential. Clearly, it is time. And it feels like a privilege to be here at this societal turning point when so many women and men of goodwill are working together to make this happen.       
  Maggie: Thanks, Kanta.  
 Kanta: Thank you, Maggie. It was a pleasure.   

Link to Bye, Bye, Mr. Malicious! on :Amazon

About the Author: 

 Kanta Bosniak is an author, artist, and interfaith minister with over 45 years’ experience as an educator in Spiritual Growth and Guided Meditation. She is the author/illustrator of numerous books and coloring books, and the author/narrator of several guided imagery downloads. Collectors of her art include a Nobel Prize Winner, a popular television actress, several authors, a U.S. National champion athlete and people of all walks of life. She is a frequent speaker on radio, at churches, universities, holistic education centers, and conferences throughout the US. She is an award-winning member of the National Guild of Hypnotists and listed in Who’s Who in America and Who’s Who in the World. Kanta lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Southwestern Virginia.   You can find Kanta online at the following links:  Web: 

Gifts and Home D├ęcor on Redbubble:  Art on Etsy:  Books and Guided Imagery Downloads on Amazon:  

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Newest Adventure: Frugal Minimalism

Newest Adventure: Frugal Minimalism 

      A little background
     Sometimes life throws you curveballs... you think "Ok you can breath now things are falling into place"... then in an instant they fall apart.  At the beginning of the year my husband and I made a big move from the middle of nowhere Southern Ohio to a more Northern town on the outskirts of two major cities.  A new job for him and a new life for our family.  About the time we finally got settled and called this place home, something happened.   He had to change jobs and a 45 minute commute suddenly became a hour and 30 minute commute one way with the joy of a significant cut in pay. What was comfortable and easy for a few fleeting months was quickly replaced with; to be honest sheer terror of making ends meet.

     I am still in the beginning phases of trying to sort this all out and adjust. We still have each-other and that's the most important.  In an effort to make the best of a "shitty situation"  I have discovered Minimalism a sister concept to frugality.  We all understand the concept of being frugal and stretching our pennies but most are not familiar with minimalism.
     Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus of The Minimalists describe it as " Minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.
That doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently wrong with owning material possessions. Today’s problem seems to be the meaning we assign to our stuff: we tend to give too much meaning to our things, often forsaking our health, our relationships, our passions, our personal growth, and our desire to contribute beyond ourselves. " 
    We as a society tend to be consumer minded about everything and are taught from childhood that "stuff & things" will make us happy.  Especially  those of us who are in our early 30's stuck on the cusp between Gen X and Millennials.  We were the first to have computers in our elementary classrooms (though clunky and equipped with those huge paper covered floppy disks lol) .  We sat in front of TV's for longer than other generations and many of us were "latch key kids", the TV and colorful commercials kept us from being lonely.  We were told we were on the edge of technology and that so much awaited us..  but received crushing debt from school loans and credit cards... the banks offering easy loans then raising interest rates, with the housing market becoming unsteady. I watched so many friends lose homes, jobs, and end up back at home time and time again. 
     And what does the world continue to scream down on us while we are in worse shape than our parents at our age? BUY BUY BUY more more more! Stuff makes you Happy! Stuff makes your kids Happy! Spend away your pain and depression! Who cares if you spiral down after seeing the debt of your "spend away your pain" spree!  I see so many memes urging you to YOLO (you only live once) or to Buy that thing you want and treat yo self"  Yeah Treat yo self lol... treat yourself to not being able to pay your rent or other responsibilities. 
   Minimalism rejects this, encourages you to live below your means (reasonably of course) so that you can save for your future or big purchase, so you can live uncluttered, so you can enjoy your space and learn to value and appreciate the possessions that you have.  Quality over quantity. And this idea FASCINATES me! I've always been as my husband would say cheap lol (I prefer low maintenance). So on several levels this idea seems an ingenious way to combat the consumerism 
     Only problem is... for all my "cheapskate" ways .. I admittedly have hoarder tendencies.  I am a clutterbug and hang on to everything thinking I may one day need it. And my frugal thinking mind says if I have it; I won't need to buy it.. which seems rational to a point.  Till you find boxes, and drawer, and closets full of "stuff" that you "may someday use" however someday may never come.  Thus my journey of freedom is beginning. Learning a New Balance between spending, saving, making ends miraculously meet, and yet letting go of all that "stuff" the world tells us we need, but we really just for a fleeting moment want.  

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Independent Education Plan (a wake up call)

Independent Education Plan (a wake up call)

     It's funny you think you as a parent know your child the very best... But sometimes it takes a new situation to show you how wrong you were.  My son A is five and I scheduled him for Kindergarten testing back in May. I have worked with him the last 2 years especially with preschool readiness workbooks and apps. I did know that he struggled with these some; however not having any other experience to base this off just assumed it was typical for a young child. On the day of the testing I was devastated to learn that A had not only a speech issue (we had thought that might be the case) but also that he was very delayed in several areas.  
      So began a very scary journey for us.  Several meetings with school professionals and teachers ensued and evaluations were made to asses the needs my son had.  I went through a whirl wind of emotion from horror to relief, knowing that everyone in his little world would be doing what they could to support A.  Accompanied to these feelings was the stereotype I had erroneously associated with an IEP (Independent Education Plan).  I ignorantly believed it meant that A would not be challenged and get lost labeled learning disabled.
      Luckily A's support team not only supported him but also me and helped me understand that this plan would not hold him back but instead, fill the educational gaps he might experience.  along with this IEP they also decided the best educational fit for him would be preschool instead of Kindergarten giving him an extra year to learn, grow, and overcome.  A decision that my husband and I were are very pleased with.  
      Fast forward two weeks into the school year and I am pleased to say A is doing amazing! Adapting so well to the change in environment.  He is excited every single day to go to school and is sorely disappointed that he has to take weekends off.  A has blossomed so much these few short weeks and I could not be happier.  Sure I was petrified in the beginning but now I am so very thankful for that IEP.